One and One is Three
by NorvegianWood3
Summary: Alec is about to become a dad. :)


"Why the hell are you cleaning the oven?"

"I think it's time."

"To clean the bloody oven? Tess, it's 5 AM! You woke me with all that scrubbing and…"

"To have the baby."

"Oh. Shit."

"Ok, now let's sit down a moment and calm down. Here, on the sofa. We have a plan, remember?"

"'Course I remember."

"We'll keep this as nice and… clean as possible. No drama, no crying, and Alec, absolutely no fainting. I don't want you to do anything you don't feel comfortable with, ok?"

"You're crazy."

"I'm just trying to be organized."

"Keep calm, don't panic and do the tasks as you were taught to?"

"Exactly."

"Ohmygod. Are you alright?"

"Don't! Don't touch me please. Yes, I'm fine. Pain is normal. I just…"

"What?"

"I just expected it to be a bit milder."

"I'm sorry love. I think we should go to the hospital now."

"No, it's too early. I don't want to camp there for a whole day."

"A whole day?"

"Never mind. Ouch! I said don't bloody touch me!"

"But the book you made me read said…"

"Fuck the book! Sorry, sorry. Nice and clean Tess, nice and clean."

"You are scaring me."

"What?"

"Nothing. What can I do?"

"The oven."

"You want me to clean the oven?"

"Yes. We can't leave it like that, the cleanser will dry up and get all sticky. But if you can't, I'll do it."

"No! No, that's ok. You stay here and try to relax."

"Use warm water to rinse it. Not hot, warm! I can see the steam from here. Alec? What… why are you washing your hands? You still need to finish the upper…"

"I'm sitting with you and we'll just wait. You said you don't want me to do anything I'm not comfortable with, right? Well, I'm not comfortable with that stuff."

"Sorry. I guess I'm a bit edgy."

"Just a little bit love, just a little bit."

"OUCH!"

"I'm not touching you, but maybe you want to rest your head on my shoulder for a while?"

***

"I'm going to take a shower."

"Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Yes. I don't want to go to the hospital looking like a disheveled whale."

"You don't look like a disheveled whore."

"Whale!"

"Sorry. Just be careful in there, ok?"

"I'm so big I couldn't even slip on the shower floor."

"All right."

"God, I really hate you sometimes."

"What have I said n…? Forget it, I'll bring the car to the front door."

***

"Bloody hell, I should start selling tickets and popcorn for people to check me down there. We could use the money for Daisy's university fund."

"Tess!"

"What? Do you want to switch places?"

"No."

"Why are you giggling?"

"Cause you're really kind of look like a disheveled whore now. Ouch!"

"You are unbelievably mean."

"Then why are you laughing?"

"I am not… Holy shit."

"There, hold my hand. It's ok, love. You're doing great."

"Shut up."

***

"Alec please, go take some fresh air. You look terrible."

"'Am fine."

"Remember the plan?"

"Would you please stop with this bloody plan? I'll tell you once again, I'm not fainting. What was that? Did you hear it?"

"A woman screaming."

"I know it was a woman screaming, but that was… loud. Maybe something happened, maybe it's an emergency. I mean…"

"Alec, at least sit down. I swear you're worrying me. Here, take some water."

"I'm fine. Thanks."

***

"What's up? Tess, are you… Why are you crying?"

"I'm tired. I want to go home."

"Come here."

"I want to go home."

"I know love, but it's not going to take much longer. You're almost there."

"That's bullshit. Did you hear the midwife? There is no way to know how much longer it will take."

"Screw the midwife. Why aren't you having that epidural anyway? I think…"

"I said no."

"But why? That will ease the pain for…"

"Because it will make things longer, and I want her out of me as soon as possible please."

"Ok. Makes sense."

"Alec?"

"Uh?"

"Would you bring me the brush? It's in the side pocket of the bag."

"You need to brush your hair now?"

"I do. It's all frizzy and it's driving me crazy. No, the other bag."

"You want … uh, some help?"

"Really?"

"Really. Ponytail?"

"Yes, please. Ouch! Shitshitshit."

"Breathe…"

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"

"Sorry."

"It's ok. Sorry I yelled at you again. And cried. And thank you for the ponytail."

***

"You feeling better? Maybe you shouldn't stand yet."

"I'm fine."

"Well, your face is still gray-ish."

"Tess, would you please stop? I told you I'm fine."

"Whatever. But you still owe me ten quid."

"I didn't faint. It was just too hot in that bloody room."

"You fainted. There is no reason to be ashamed, it's quite common."

"I told you I didn't faint! How can you be so stubborn even after fifteen hours of labor?"

"Shhh, you're upsetting her."

"Sorry darling. But dad didn't faint."

"Whatever."

"She has your eyes."

"Maybe, but it's early to tell. I don't want her to be a copy of one of us, anyway. I hope she'll be her own person and know that we'll always love her no matter what. You know what I mean?"

"Aye. Seriously Tess, you are nodding off. Get some rest, I'll take her."

"I'm not this tired, but… Yeah, maybe I'll close my eyes for a bit. Ouch, I'm all achy."

"Are you?"

"You don't want to know the details, trust me."

"No, you might be right for once. Here, I got her."

"I know."

"Sleep tight, I'll show Daisy around. Oh! I think she's drooling on my shoulder."

"Welcome to parenthood. And Alec?"

"What now?"

"You know that all the fuss over the fainting thing… it was just to tease you, don't you?"

"Of course, because I didn't faint."

"No, really. That's how I react when I'm scared, but… You were really good today."

"Well, you did the hard part."

"I'm not sure I could have done it without you. I was really scared."

"I know."

"Do you?"

"Tess, you were cleaning the oven at 5 in the morning. You really think I know you so little? And besides, I was a bit scared too. I'm so happy you're both fine and… Yeah. Now get some rest. What? Are you crying again?"

"I'm not, it's this stuffy air. Have fun you two, and don't run away with the money you owe me." 


End file.
